It’s ok to not be ok

Being ok. Are any of us truly ‘ok’? This is not an attempt to sound pessimistic, or to shatter the illusion of ‘okness’. It’s a ponder, no more, no less. Just a thought, which leads to words, which then lead to questions.

Are we all truly ok? Or are we all just putting on a brave face for the sake of societal politeness? Think about it. How many times have you not been ‘ok’, but you’ve gone out in the world and pretended that you were? How many times have you showed up to school, or work, or wherever you interact with the public most, and inside, you’re upset, and want nothing more but to go home and hide from the world?

If you’ve ever felt like that, or if you ever do in the future, remember this – it’s ok to not be ok.

No matter which gender you are, or which gender you aren’t, it’s ok to not feel yourself. It’s ok to feel upset. To cry. To laugh. There’s no shame in feeling like the world is falling around you, and there’s definitely no shame in asking for help.

So far in 2017, there have been too many suicides. Even one suicide is a death too many. The exact figure for this year isn’t known yet, as it’s too early into 2017, but the past ones are known – or those which had been confirmed, instead of seen as an accident. They are far too high. These people weren’t ok, and no one wants to get to the stage where they feel that suicide is the only option.

From a young age, people are told not to cry. Men, especially, feel ashamed to be upset, to feel horrid. They feel ashamed to cry – to be human.

What is the point in shame in regards to not feeling ok? If you’re not feeling ok, it’s not something you can help. It’s a human thing to feel. So why feel ashamed in feeling such a way? You should feel let down by the world around you, instead of feeling ashamed of yourself. Surely institutions should feel ashamed for letting the public down? For not creating more measures to prevent deaths or harm? Shouldn’t they try to prevent a decline in the public’s well being and mental health?

Do not blame yourself for how you feel, but do try and help yourself by doing something about it. Accept help, and if it has not found you, find it. Find the help you need, ask for help. Speak to those who are in the position to assist you, during your darkest hour. Remember, you shouldn’t feel ashamed for feeling afraid, anxious or depressed. But you should try to speak up about it, no matter how difficult it is.

To quote my favourite TV show – ”I have that terrible feeling from time to time that we all just might be human”. I will leave you to your deductions to figure out where that came from.

What can you do to get help? What can you do in order to stop feeling the way that you’re feeling? Well, I’m not an expert, I can barely recognise how I’m feeling myself, but I do have some tips which have helped me, and a few other people:

1. Speak up – No one will deduce how you are feeling, especially not if you are putting on a brave face. You need to speak up. If someone asks if you’re ok, tell them that you’re not. Converse. Tell them what’s wrong, you will be amazed by how people open up, when you open your mouth first. A problem shared is a problem halved.
2. Write about it – Like reading blogs? Write a post for one. Ask if you can have it published on your behalf, and if you’re really dedicated, make your own blog. Express, and if you don’t fancy it being online, invest in a journal. Write, and impress yourself by learning calligraphy to make your writing a little fun. It can get a lot of your chest, and if you can’t say it out loud, but want to tell someone, show them what you wrote.
3. See a professional – Talk to someone who can truly help. They are honestly not terrifying and they will be able to look at you, your life and organise something which works for you in order to improve your life and well being. Ask for help.
4. Research online and see if anyone else feels the same way as you do – Knowing that there are people out there who feel the same way as you do can stop you feeling isolated. Therefore, research and find out if there’s anyone out there who feels the same as you do, and even if you don’t find someone in the same situation and suffering the same thing, don’t despair. You will find common ground with someone. There are some wonderful online support groups who could help.
5. Cry if you need to –The obvious, and one that a lot of people feel ashamed or afraid to do. Just let it out. Who gives a shit if you’re in public, or in your home? If you need to cry – cry. Do it. Holding it in is just going to make you want to explode at a later date, so let it out now before it becomes a fragile dam.
6. Remind yourself that it’s ok not to be ok – That’s it; It’s ok to not be ok. No one else in the world is just ‘ok’, so why do you expect yourself to be? Accept that you’re not ok, and try and fix the issues instead of living with the thing that is upsetting you. No matter how difficult trying to fix things might be. Try. At least then, you can feel proud of yourself for trying to help yourself.

Everyone has bad times. Everyone goes through something, which in the end, becomes part of their story, and as a result, part of who they are. Whether it is good or bad. Our experiences shape up. They become the paint of the painting, the line in a sketch. They become the soft crotchet in the music sheet. All of which become a little piece of the grand masterpiece, which is you.

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